


Pets

by Monsterunderkilt



Series: The Manse [5]
Category: Celebrities & Real People - Fandom, Real Person RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-27 13:43:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17163038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monsterunderkilt/pseuds/Monsterunderkilt
Summary: My birds and their namesakes give me a couple laughs and warm fuzzy feelings





	Pets

“Benny! Ewan! Joliver! Where’d you all go, you silly butts?”

I go from room to room searching and I finally see my babies on the floor fighting over some plastic gemstones. “Oh there you are, you little dumbmunches,” I say as I squat down and pick my cockatiels up one by one and place them on my shoulders. “I love you all, my little butts.”

I turn around and jump at the sight of three men all standing in a row before me.

“Mum,” Benedict says. “You called?”

Ewan sheepishly blinks at me and quietly says, “I definitely thought I heard you ask for me.”

“And I absolutely know your pet name for me,” John Oliver says. “But I suspect now that you’ve also gone ahead and named your... bird... after me.”

I snort as I give my birds little kisses. “Yes, and I relish the irony.”

Joliver grits his teeth. “You know how I feel about those flying rodents, but... because I also know how fond you are of the little feathered turds I have to assume you named one after me as a sign of respect and love.”

I nod. “You’d be correct, sir.”

Ewan stands up straighter and grins. “Am I out of the penalty box?”

I shrug. “Well, you technically never were, pet.” I kiss my little Ewan on her head and wink. “But yes, if you’ve sensed some disappointment on my part, you must understand why,” I say, referring to his sudden decision to leave his wife a few years back.

Ewan averts his eyes again, scratching the back of his neck. “Yeah, about that-“

“No, no, I don’t it need to hear about it. I get it, on a certain level, even though I always held you up as the gold standard against which I measured all other men due to your integrity and family values, but you know... sometimes men can just be... men.” The last word is dripping with chagrin.

Ewan winces at my assessment, but still stands at attention, taking his chastisement like an adult. “Point taken, Madam.”

Benedict is silent as a statue for this whole exchange, but pipes up when the pause gets too awkward. “Shall I fetch us some tea, then, Madam, since I’m already here?”

I smile and continue lovingly caressing my little birds one at a time. After all, due to Ewan’s bad life decision, both he and David Tennant have been the top two new candidates for Gold Standard. And they’re both making it difficult to choose. “Perfect idea, Ben. Thank you.”

“Yes, mum,” he says with a cheeky smile as he makes an about face and makes his way downstairs to the kitchen. I appreciate that he looks just as appealing in gray jogging trousers and a sweat shirt as he does in a fancy suit.

Joliver watches me as I watch Ben go. He sighs and makes a face. “Why don’t you stare at me like that whenever I leave the room?”

“How do you know I don’t?”

“She stares at all of us like that,” Ewan says with a little smirk.

I repress a giggle at the scene of an elder Manse-dweller schooling a younger one, even over such a minute detail. “Indeed. Now, you’re free to go if you like. Sorry for the confusion.”

Joliver puts his hands on his hips. “Well, excuse me if we can’t tell the difference between your bird and human terms of endearment.”

“I don’t call you a silly butt.” I hold up Jolly the bird. “This is my butt. You are not my butt. You are... my Brummie.”

Joliver tilts his head and a small smile appears. “Alright, fair enough.”

I smile and beckon him closer with one finger, which happens to have a bird perched upon it. I smile wider when he wrinkles his nose, but steps forward anyway. He leans down so I can reach up and kiss his cheek. “Now tell me when you have new episodes again, you dork.”

Joliver blushes. “Yes, mum.”

I watch as he leaves the room, and my Ewan bird flies over to human Ewan’s head. The other two birds call out to their friend.

“Oh, shush,” I say as I step over and reach up to pick my girl off Ewan’s head. I put her back on my shoulder and gently touch Ewan’s face. I catch his gaze and give him a good, serious consideration before patting his cheek and squeezing his shoulder. “You’re lucky you’re so good-looking, you wild Scotsman. But nobody’s perfect.”

He nods. “But Ben is pretty close, I trust?”

“Hmmmm,” say, “But he’ll do until Perfection gets here.”


End file.
